What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage emotions in yourself and others. It helps people communicate better, make thoughtful decisions, and build healthier relationships.

Why is emotional intelligence important for wellbeing?

Emotional intelligence helps people handle stress, manage conflict, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally. These skills improve resilience and personal wellbeing.

How can I improve emotional intelligence?

You can improve emotional intelligence through self-reflection, learning from emotional experiences, practicing empathy, and developing awareness of how emotions influence behaviour.

Where can I find emotional wellbeing tools?

You can explore exercises, quizzes, and reflection tools on our wellbeing tools page (https://emotionalintelligencedeveloper.com/wellbeing-and-self-help-tools/). You can also learn more about emotional intelligence concepts in our Emotional Intelligence Learning Hub.

How to Talk to Someone with Low Self-Esteem Effectively

Have you ever found yourself wondering, What did I say wrong? Was it my tone or something I did? Every time I have a conversation with Claire, it ends up being a bit of a struggle. She often jumps off the handle, insisting she isn’t stupid and can figure things out for herself. But all I was doing was suggesting or reminding her of something.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. After some introspection, I realized our communication issues might stem from Claire’s struggles with low self-esteem. The good news? It’s something that can be addressed. Let’s explore what low self-esteem really is and how you can navigate conversations with kindness and understanding.

What is Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem is more than just having a bad day or feeling unsure. It’s a persistent lack of confidence in one’s abilities, worth, and value. People with low self-esteem, like Claire, often view themselves through a negative lens, which can significantly impact their relationships, careers, and overall happiness.

Low self-esteem can stem from various sources, such as:

Past experiences, including criticism from parents or influential figures during childhood.
Bullying or traumatic events.
Ongoing stress or comparison, particularly fuelled by today’s relentless social media bombardment.

Understanding these origins helps us approach individuals with greater compassion and care.

Your words and actions can make a meaningful difference for someone with low self-esteem. Here are some practical ways to support them while encouraging their confidence and self-worth.

Practice Deep Listening

People with low self-esteem may hesitate to share their thoughts, fearing judgement or rejection. One of the most impactful things you can do is to practice deep listening. Maintain eye contact, nod to show understanding, and avoid jumping in with solutions. Simple phrases like, “I hear you,” or “That sounds really tough,” can validate their feelings. Feeling heard and understood gives them a much-needed sense of value and acceptance.

Replace Criticism with Constructive Support

Those with low self-esteem often feel criticism more intensely. Even well-meaning advice can be perceived as disapproval. When offering feedback, be empathetic and focus on their strengths. For example, you could say, “It’s okay to feel this way, but remember how you’ve overcome challenges like this before.” Positive reinforcement encourages growth without adding to their insecurities.

Highlight Their Strengths

People with low self-esteem often struggle to recognize their own accomplishments. Gently remind them of their strengths with specific, sincere compliments. For instance: “I really admire how dedicated you are to your work.” or “You have such a kind and caring nature.” Specific compliments are harder to dismiss and can help them see themselves in a more positive light.

Encourage Positive Self-Talk

Low self-esteem often comes with negative self-talk. Helping someone reframe these thoughts can make a huge difference. If they express doubt, respond with something like, “I know you’re feeling unsure, but I’ve seen you handle similar situations really well.” By countering their negative thoughts with supportive perspectives, you can encourage a healthier inner dialogue.

Be Patient and Consistent

Rebuilding self-esteem is a gradual process. It requires patience and consistent support. If they don’t immediately accept your positive feedback, that’s okay—keep showing up. Knowing someone believes in them, even when they don’t believe in themselves, fosters stability and trust.

Be Mindful of Your Words

Even casual remarks can unintentionally reinforce low self-esteem. Be mindful of jokes or comments about their abilities, appearance, or choices. Avoid comparisons, even seemingly harmless ones, and focus on affirming their individuality. Creating a safe environment helps them feel valued and free to be themselves without fear of judgment.

Conclusion

Supporting someone with low self-esteem is about building them up with patience, empathy, and thoughtful communication. By creating a safe space where they feel valued and supported, you can help them take steps toward recognizing their worth. While you can’t fix their self-esteem for them, your words and actions can plant seeds of encouragement that grow over time. Never underestimate the power of kindness—it can make all the difference.

Author

specialistwithnotitle
For over 20 years, I’ve been privileged to guide people on their journeys—whether they’re taking small steps or making giant leaps—towards living their unique purpose. My own path has been filled with challenges that taught me resilience and growth, equipping me to share, guide, and support others on their journeys.
Through my experiences, I discovered a fundamental truth: everything we do revolves around relationships. The relationship you have with yourself, your partner, your children, your parents and siblings, your colleagues—these connections shape every aspect of our lives.
Why relationships, you ask? Because without them, we lose our direction. A strong relationship with yourself filters into everything else you do. Let’s be honest—whenever we engage with others, we’re either starting, growing, nurturing, or destroying a relationship. Nothing meaningful happens without them.
As Brené Brown wisely says, “Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”
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