How to deal with the I should have, and I shouldn’t have thoughts

Two emotional triggers which sway your decision making capabilities

You make mistakes when you don’t trust yourself. And it makes you judge the way you handle different situations in your life. The why did I do that! Feeling when you realize that you could’ve avoided it. And the why did I not do that! Feeling when you realise how beneficial it would have been.

Before you commit to something. How do you know when it is right or wrong for you?

If I ask you how many opportunities slipped through your hands because you lacked self-confidence? I’m sure we’d need a lot of time to go over them. But what about bad decisions? For example, The Lottery traps you because you don’t want to miss the day your winning numbers are drawn. Your emotional trigger would be, I should’ve kept on playing because one day is one day when it comes to lottery. Criticizing yourself for not playing consistently in order to win.

This triggers you and manipulates you to buy more lottery tickets which leads to a gambling addiction. It’s not worth it. The second way it can trigger you is the depression stage of gambling. The I should have not played lottery for all those years. How much money would I have saved if I didn’t gamble it all away?

Do something which backfires and it triggers you. Miss an opportunity because you lacked self-confidence and it triggers you. So how do you balance it?

Practical ways to build self-confidence

You learn as you grow. Unfortunately life lessons are the best teacher. You lose some and you win some. You miss opportunities and you learn which emotions triggered you to not commit. You learn that listening to the wrong fear limits you. Because there are good emotional fears you can use to avoid danger. And there are bad emotional fears which stop you from living your life.

Learn to use the correct fear to avoid danger and it will help you survive. But also learn which fear prevents you from doing something which can benefit your life. For example, anxiety can build bad fear which limits you. Stopping you from chasing important things in your life. So when you overcome anxiety you are able to differentiate actual danger and fearful thoughts which prevent you from trying new things.

I’m not saying don’t fear jumping off a cliff. Because that’s a good emotional fear to have. Learn to differentiate good and bad fear. It will make choosing what you do more effective. Self-confidence goes a long way when you understand your emotions. You will stop playing the lottery because your winnings in life come from doing something you like which brings joy in your life.


Emotions are there to be controlled. Don’t allow them to control you. Use them as how they are intended to be used. Fear danger, don’t fear life. Life is there to be lived. With moderation and vision you can achieve anything you set your mind to. Take it one day at a time and you will learn to manage your emotions which will work for you.



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