April 25, 2019 was the day I buried my mother. I decided not to have a funeral because those she was closest to were elderly, ill &/or lived too far away to attend her funeral. The day of her burial, I knew I didn’t have to be there, so I was unsure if I would attend or not. That is at least until that morning.
The cemetery called late that morning. Apparently they made a huge blunder. My parents bought two double decker plots, one for them & another for my husband & I (I have no idea why they bought that one for us!). When my father died, he was to be buried at double depth, then my mother on top at regular depth. The problem was the day of my mother’s burial, they learned my father was buried at normal depth! They had to exhume him, rebury him in the neighboring plot, fill in the now empty grave & then they could bury my mother on top of him. I had to rush to the cemetery to fill out paperwork giving my permission to the cemetery to do this. I did & returned home, deciding to go back to the cemetery for her burial to be certain no more mistakes were made.
This experience was horrific to put it mildly, especially on top of losing my mother, learning I was to handle her estate matters, try to help her extremely traumatized cat who witnessed her death & continue to live my life. Yet, the day got worse…
At the grave side with my husband & best friend, I realized someone else showed up. It turned out to be the cousin who was a devoted flying monkey to my parents & the cruelest to me when my father was dying! (For those who don’t know, I was no contact when my parents died. This cousin constantly, daily harassed me, trying to bully me into coming to the hospital) She yelled my name, approached me & she was just there for my mother, while wearing a narcissistic smirk. I told her to leave & she wasn’t welcome. She smugly refused. I called her a nasty name, which then fueled her insanity to start screaming. Thankfully her husband dragged her off (I believe the poor guy has seen some similar things before) as my husband told her to get lost. Her husband & the cemetery staff kept her away from me until I left, once my mother was safely buried.
The reason I’m sharing this story with you is this… never underestimate narcissists & their flying monkeys. Always expect the absolute worst out of them. I clearly made a mistake by not expecting anyone to show up to my mother’s burial. And boy, did it hurt me!
That day I felt I was at the edge of sanity with my trashy cousin trying to push me over the edge. If I hadn’t underestimated narcissistic behavior, I could’ve been more mentally prepared to handle the situation or asked the cemetery not to tell anyone when my mother’s burial would be.
I’m not trying to make anyone feel paranoid, like you constantly have to been on edge. However, when these people have been in your life in any capacity, even only briefly as a flying monkey, you need to know that they may come back at any time, in particular at your worst possible times. This was the exact situation with my cousin.
I believe that most flying monkeys are narcissists, which is why they see nothing wrong with encouraging people to tolerate abuse or treating people any old way they like under the guise of trying to help.. even when they can’t help but see how much pain they are causing. If they truly think this way then there is no low too low for them. Never forget that! Protect yourself as much as humanly possible from such people. Know they are capable of anything. If at all possible, avoid them. Block any & all contact they have with you & don’t speak to them. If that is not possible, then remember to Gray Rock. Be boring. Never give into any control measures they try to use on you. Never show them any emotions you have. Never provide any personal information about yourself or your life. Remember what they find interesting about you & deny them of that. These people deserve nothing from you, so provide them with nothing & protect yourself!
