90/10 Principle

imakelar Avatar
Verified by Emotional Intelligence Developer Community-written · Human experiences · Lived insight

One morning the father was getting ready to go to work neatly dressed heading to the dinner table to eat breakfast. He was holding a cup of coffee ready to drink, unexpectedly his little girl nudged her father’s hand and the coffee spilled on his shirt. Instantly the father responded to the incident, angering his little girl by snapping to tell her to finish her breakfast.

The mother felt that the father’s attitude was excessive and defended her little girl. Still grumbling the father walked into the room for a change of clothes, immediately returning to the dinner table hoping that his little girl had finished eating her breakfast. It turned out that the little girl was still crying miserably and the meal was not finished which cause her missing the school bus, finally the father had to take the child to school.

Once at school the child no longer waves her hand as usually done. The journey in the direction of the office, which was still far away, made dad speed exceeded the speed limit and finally got a ticket. Arriving at the office he had to present to a large client who was going to give a large order. The prepared documents turned out left on his dirty clothes just now, he lost his big client. What a really bad day!

Returning from work that afternoon he found a disturbed relationship with the child and wife. A day starts with responded badly then complete the whole day.

What’s wrong?

If only the father taken a different stance, maybe the outcome would have been different. If the response is this: “sweetie, next time be more careful okay, look at dad’s clothes getting dirty. Eat the meal so not to miss the school bus. “

With controlled emotions the father changed his clothes and took the documents in his pocket. The child finished the meal and left with the school bus, not forgetting greetings with both parents. The father finishes breakfast and goes to the office in no hurry, when he arrives at the office can prepare the best presentation for his client. Cooperation with clients is also established.

The father returned home feeling happy and was lovingly welcomed by his daughter and wife.

The incident was originally the same, but the end was different. It’s all because of how we react. This “90/10 principle” from Stephen Covey can change our lives or at least change the way we deal with problems. What does the “90/10 Principle” mean?

10% of our lives are determined by what happens to us, but another 90% is determined by how we react (behave) to an event. What does that mean? We don’t have control over the 10% that happens in our lives, but the other 90% is determined by how we react. It’s not a matter of right or wrong, but a response.

For example, we can’t guess when our car suddenly breaks down, the plane we are going to ride is delayed in departure which makes our schedule messy, the company we work for issues unwise policies, and so on. This means that we do not have the power to control 10% of what happens to us. But unlike the 90% again, we are the ones who determine 90% of what happens in our lives, meaning that it is our reactions or attitudes that determine what happens to us next.

Many times the problem afflicts us not because our problem is too big, but the way we deal with it determines its magnitude. By applying the 90/10 principle, we will avoid stress. Whenever we encounter a problem that occurs beyond our control, strive to take a positive attitude. When people say something negative about us, then be wise, because our response to it will determine the direction of our life.

If we control 90% of our lives and another 10% we leave it to God, because it is beyond our control, then our lives will be the way we want them to be.

Author


Discover more from Emotional Intelligence Developer

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.


Frequently Asked Questions

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage emotions in yourself and others. It helps people communicate better, make thoughtful decisions, and build healthier relationships.

Why is emotional intelligence important for wellbeing?

Emotional intelligence helps people handle stress, manage conflict, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally. These skills improve resilience and personal wellbeing.

How can I improve emotional intelligence?

You can improve emotional intelligence through self-reflection, learning from emotional experiences, practicing empathy, and developing awareness of how emotions influence behaviour.

Where can I find emotional wellbeing tools?

You can explore exercises, quizzes, and reflection tools on our wellbeing tools page. You can also learn more about emotional intelligence concepts in our Emotional Intelligence Learning Hub.

Drop a like 👍 and comment — it helps more people find real support.

1 comment on 90/10 Principle
Calm and soothing picture (Banner) of 3 people sitting on a bench in a forest trail overlooking distant mountains with the website address https://emotionalintelligencedeveloper.com/ on the footer

Your Voice Matters — Join the Conversation

Leave a Reply

One response to “90/10 Principle”

  1. Clive Avatar

    a good message indeed…

Share Your Testimonial and Experience With Our Community

Trending Pages:

Authors List


This space is intentionally kept free from pop-up ads to keep your reading experience calm and focused.

Free tools worth about $330 a year are shared here — for anyone who needs them.

No paywalls. No pop-up ads. Just support, reflection, and growth.

If this space has helped you, you're already part of it.

You can help keep it growing — by supporting, sharing, or becoming part of the members community.

Even reading and sharing helps someone else feel less alone.

❤️ MEMBERS COMMUNITY
📖

New to emotional intelligence? Explore our Emotional Intelligence Glossary to understand key terms and concepts that appear throughout this article.

⭐ Start here · most used tools
Not Sure Where to Start? Try These First

If you are feeling overwhelmed or unsure which tool to use, start with one of these. They are simple, helpful, and used by many people to understand their emotions, reflect clearly, and feel more in control.

Support the Mission — Shop Our Merch

Open our Streamlabs merch store to browse and order merchandise

Own your growth — show off your merch and tag #emotionalintelligencedeveloper

Discover more from Emotional Intelligence Developer

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading