When You’re A Highly Sensitive Person In Love With Someone Who Isn’t

Highly sensitive people, also known as HSPs, are rather looked at as if we have some strange psychic powers & are extremely delicate.  We can be perceived as freaks of nature that must be coddled through life, but this really isn’t the case!  While we are exceptionally sensitive to our surroundings & people in our lives, we also are surprisingly strong.  We can handle a great deal provided we have our space to recharge & people in our lives that accept us as we are.  Yet somehow, we often end up romantically involved with people who aren’t HSPs.

When you’re an HSP in love with someone who isn’t one, life can be pretty difficult.  It is easy to assume that conflicts in the relationship are your fault.  After all, you’re the sensitive one, so couldn’t you just be over sensitive?  While that is a reasonable question to ask yourself, did it not occur to you that you may see yourself as over sensitive because your significant other is relatively insensitive by comparison? 

While your partner may not be an insensitive jerk, they probably are an average person regarding their sensitivity level.  There’s nothing wrong with that, & most people are that way.  It will help you to accept your partner as they are & also ask them to accept that you are different than them.  You are more sensitive so your needs are different.  You naturally need some things much more than your partner does, & it’s ok.  A partner who can accept such differences without judgment & try to accommodate them is a true gem!

Sometimes, non-HSP people can be inconsiderate.  They may come home & turn on the radio or television with the volume way up when you need quiet.  You don’t need to be subjected to it.  Ask your partner to turn the volume down some or go into a separate space where you can have quiet.  One of you in the living room & the other in a bedroom may work well.  If your home is too small to do this, then go for a walk or a drive. 

Another helpful tip is to remind yourself often that not everyone is as sensitive to everything as you are.  Your partner may be a lovely, caring person but still can make insensitive comments every so often that upset you.  If your partner isn’t trying to cause you upset by such comments, if possible, let them go.  Remember, not everyone thinks like you, & that’s ok!  If your partner is deliberately trying to upset you however, that is a very different scenario!  That is cruel & needs to be addressed.

You can have a good relationship with someone who isn’t a highly sensitive person.  There are some simple things you can do to help that happen.

Make time to do things by yourself, without your partner.  Do whatever brings you joy – music, art, or hobbies.  Explain to your partner that you need some time alone to recharge & it has nothing to do with you not wanting to spend time with them. 

Remember the good things about being with a non-HSP partner.  Your partner won’t struggle with being around other people when you need your solitude, & you can introduce him or her to the subtle beauty surrounding us every day.  The balance you bring to each other can be wonderful.  However, if your partner is very extroverted & frequently tries to convince you to socialize more often than you are comfortable with, you’ll need to have clear boundaries on how much extroverting you’re willing to do!

Teach your partner about what it is like being a highly sensitive person.  This can show you how healthy your relationship is, or if it’s not healthy.  Someone who truly loves you & wants to be with you will be more than happy to learn more about what makes you, you.  This also can help your relationship grow closer & increase your mutual love & understanding.

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